she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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