Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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