i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
