I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
