Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
