I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
