my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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