Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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