and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
