I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
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I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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