You made me cry and you don't even care
Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
