Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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