i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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