Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I need moral support for this bender
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
