oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i need an iv and a liver transplant
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
