I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
