If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
