I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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