she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
