Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I'm passing your future prison.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
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