mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize