I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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