i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
