I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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