i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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