maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
