he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
