you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
