All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
