I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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