The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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