i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
