Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
