I can feel you judging me through the phone.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
