ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
