I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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