This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
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we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
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I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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