the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
