if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
