I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Randomize
