i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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