I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
