the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
