I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
