you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Are we still banned from the library?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
