Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
