My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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