While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
