I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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