did you get engaged???
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
