Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
