watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Randomize
