U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
