hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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