if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize