I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
