it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
