Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
My vagina just recognized that song.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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