Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
