you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
