the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
