I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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