But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
