what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
