Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
