Don't you send me to vm
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
