When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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