How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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