Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
