I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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