Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
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I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
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Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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