I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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