You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I looked at my own cervix.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Randomize
