dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
