She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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