Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
