we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
