just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
