ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
