we have pet lesbian snakes
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
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allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
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Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...