I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench