he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
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i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
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Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.