HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I need water and some morals
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.