Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon