a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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