"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
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There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
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I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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