White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
