hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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