Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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