I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
