He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
