she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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